the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
