Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
