Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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