How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
