you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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