My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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