The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
