the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
