If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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