I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Randomize
