Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
