I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sorry my hands just texted you
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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