I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
