if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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