I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
