With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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