There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
