well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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