Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
