just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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