she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
All the doctor said was why
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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