Who wears a wallet chain?!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's never too late to be topless.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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