i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
