I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
