You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
