He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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