Don't make out with my wife yet
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
