totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
