can we get nightvision for the apartment?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
