just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
