upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
