Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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