My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
