waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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