When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He better not be in your backpack
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
