I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
