people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
