Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's official drugs can't kill me
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
