DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
