Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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