theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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