By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
