Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
