if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
