Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
