Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
