I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
