Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
