So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
