Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
