im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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