I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
